I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
