is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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