I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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