oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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