Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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