people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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