i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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