She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
