for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
