I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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