Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
