Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
