There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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