True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
