so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
