My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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