listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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