a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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