3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize