Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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