I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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