I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
