I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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