i think i have two assholes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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