Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
