If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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