He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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