You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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