READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
