Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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