The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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