come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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