Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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