that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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