Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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