There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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