My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
