so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
