dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think my moral compass just broke
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
