He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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