I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
