Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sext me about skeletons
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
