don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
PANTIES FOUND
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