do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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