that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
