worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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