Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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