I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
