I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please come you make the beer taste better
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
