You just made me feel so damn special
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
