I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
