Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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