Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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