i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
