We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When are your genitals available?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
