If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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