omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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