my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
