we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
