well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
