I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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