jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
