I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
