oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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