the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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