I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
