Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Shame - the story of my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
