Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
