I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
