Sponge bath it is.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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